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THE MICHAEL HOWARD INCIDENT:
The following is a text compiled from a talk I gave at the Tabernacle
Gallery in March 2005, and transcribed telephone conversations from the
same period. It concerns my preparations for an appearance on The
Wright Stuff, a topical television show on Channel 5. The conversations
with the researcher are centred on the formulation of a question to ask
the (at that time) leader of the UK Conservative party, Michael Howard.
The footage of Howard was later used in my performance Dispatches,
devised during a six week residency at the Sophiensaele in Berlin.
Robin
(Tabernacle): Yesterday I was phoned by
a researcher from the Wright Stuff...
Robin: Hello?
Researcher
1: Oh, hi Robin, it's Bob here from the Wright Stuff.
Robin:
Hi Bob, alright?
Researcher
1: Also, did I say to you yesterday that it's going to
have to be done on the phone.
Robin:
Ok, that's a shame.
Robin
(Tabernacle):Now originally, they'd asked
me to come and be a member of the audience, but after about three or four
telephone conversations, they decided they'd rather have me on the telephone.
And I don't really quite know why that is.
Reseacher
1: But you will be called though...
Robin: Ok...
Researcher
1: Which in some ways is better because you will definitely,
definitely, definitely get a chance to ask your question, cos' you will
be called to ask your question if you see what I mean.
Robin
(Tabernacle): And they're having Michael
Howard, the leader of the conservative party as a guest...a sort of question
and answer session going on tomorrow morning.
Researcher
1: Have you had a chance to think Robin?
Robin:
Yeah, I've got a few things jotted down. For example this
is one: Is
it really possible to separate the issue of race from asylum and immigration,
in that people's perceptions of what constitutes an 'outsider' is very
much tied to appearance or skin colour?
Researcher
1: Right...
Robin
(Tabernacle): But it was very interesting
that when he was talking to me, it was nothing to do with me asking Michael
Howard what I think of him, or what his opinions are, or what my opinions
on his policies are...the whole way the conversation was taken was in
terms of:
Robin:
This led me onto thoughts about the idea of multiculturalism within
the UK, and how I've got this sense now that maybe...
Robin (Tabernacle):
We have this theme, and would you like to ask a question on it?
Researcher
2: We're going to ask the following questions which are:
Are the Tories racist? What's the Point of Prison? and, Escaping a Bad
Image...in reference to the Tories.
Robin:
And I was interested in asking the question as to whether he thought
there were limits to multiculturalism, and if he believes that the idea
of multiculturalism has failed the white population in some way.
Robin (Tabernacle):
The researcher actually said to me he thought that I was being too analytical:
Researcher
1: It's kind of quite discursive rather than pointed if
you see what I mean...and the Wright Stuff doesn't have time for...it's
not Radio 4.
Robin (Tabernacle):
So tomorrow I'm going to go on this programme as a phone guest. I'm trying
to find ways of how you can use the format of television to document something
else, I mean, the phrase I use is...'performances documented by television'.
And it's that idea that tomorrow at nine o'clock on the Wright Stuff that
I'm going to do a performance of some description, but I just don't really
know what. The programme want me to ask a question on asylum and immigration:
Robin: Isn't
it time to debunk this myth about the asylum seeking hordes?
Researcher
1: What this idea that we're all being flooded? Because
he certainly likes to give that impression doesn't he?
Robin: Yeah...and
obviously you're saying there isn't time for going into any great detail
on these things, but the context of that is this idea of a politicians
responsibilities.
Researcher
1: Well can we narrow it down then to either, isn't it
time to debunk &asylum seeking hordes &or, whichever you prefer,
why is your party so obsessed with immigration? You know, this idea
that we all wake up in the morning and start worrying about immigration,
when in fact, no we don't actually. Which would you prefer?
Robin (Tabernacle):
So I'm going to hand out these bits of paper, and I just want people to
write down what they think I could do to subvert that format in some way.
And I'm going to choose one of these, and I'm going to try and do it tomorrow,
rather than me just asking the question, and that being it.
 
 
Robin
(Tabernacle): Its interesting talking to
people, because everyone says there's probably going to be a sound delay
on the programme, so if you're being peculiar, then they'll probably cut
you off.
Robin: I
think that fact that so many politicians are lawyers...or trained as
lawyers...a lot of these questions are quite easy to answer. Um, the
'Isn't it time to debunk this myth about the asylum seeking hordes?'
I like that as a...
Researcher
1: Ok...
Robin: It
seems like there's more of a potential for a provocation there...
MARCH 10TH
(DAY OF BROADCAST)
Robin: Hello?
Researcher
3: Hello, is that Robin?
Robin: Yes.
Researcher
3: It's
The Wright Stuff calling. Are you still ok to talk to us this morning?
Robin: Yes,
that's great, that's fine.
Researcher
3: What we've got down for you specifically in this part
is...we're talking about 'are Tories racist?' You're asking the question,
'Isn't it time to debunk this myth about the asylum seeking hordes?'
The we're flooded by immigrants. Ok? So, you can talk about your background,
and what you've got to say, and then ask your question.
Robin: Ok,
fantastic.
Researcher
3: So, I just have to run through some legals with you.
It's very important mot to mention anyones name who's not in the public
eye, any intimate family matters, locations, commercial products...please
do not swear or ask for autographs. I'm sure you wouldn't...
Robin: No,
I don't want Michael Howards autograph.
Researcher
3: Ok, so just stay on the line Robin and we'll be with
you soon.
Matthew
Wright: Well let's throw it open to the people at home if we
can. Corrine, let's take some calls.
Corinne:
Ok, let's go to Robin from London on line one first.
Michael
Howard: Robin, Good Morning, your question for Michael
Howard please.
Robin Deacon:
Hi, Mr Howard, Good morning.
Michael
Howard: Good Morning.
Robin Deacon:
Bram Stokers 'Dracula' can be seen as a commentary
on the public's perceived fears about the 19th Century wave of Eastern
European immigration. In the light of tabloid caricatures of you, what
do you make of the tabloids stirring up the public's fears in our current
situation? and don't you have a personal responsibility to debunk this
myth of asylum seeking hordes?
Matthew
Wright: OK, let's pick on that, Michael.
Michael
Howard: Well, Robin...I think that um...I keep looking
over there, but he's not over there!
Matthew
Wright: It's
the wonder of television!
Michael
Howard: Well, I...I don't think...look, I've never used
the kind of language that you've used Robin, and I've always used very
responsible language, about this subject, but as I've just explained
to Matthew, think that we have to have an immigration system that is
under control, and there has to be a limit. If things go on as they
are, we will have over the next few years, over 6 million more people
in this country, most of them will be immigrants, that's an increase
in the population 6 times the size of Birmingham, and that will really
impose strains and stresses on our social services, on our security,
and on our community relations...
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